The following is a disguised and paraphrased experience I recently had. The characters and the situation can be changed in anyway that you wish to shift it to allow you to hear the story that unfolds before your eyes and heart.

I looked across the room at this beautiful, auburn-haired woman whom I had known for years. She was in a full-tilt spiritual emergency and the tears were flowing fast and furious. “I can’t do it,” she said, gulping between the sobs, gasping for breath. “I absolutely cannot do it! I WON’T do it!”

Mother of five, wife of loving husband, she had never worked outside the home, spent her entire adult life raising children and caring for her husband while he was self-employed. Now the children were raised, two off to college with hopes of foreign assignments in their future, two married and one very comfortably situated in a good paying job sustaining herself. “What am I going to do?” was her only cry as she poured out the story of the beginning of the emergence of the two people that had been playing the game of husband and wife, mother and father. The game had abruptly ended.

HE had decided that he could no longer live without expressing his complete truth. And as happens always at the right time, his contracts all disappeared, partnerships ended and he was left with no work. It was the beginning of a long voyage - a voyage to Self. He had put their home up for sale, secured a rented flat in another city and obtained a job washing dishes in a local restaurant. He didn’t care what he did or where he lived. He wanted only to BE with Himself - always. And he DID want her to be with him, yet only if she wanted to be there.

“How can I live in a flat in the middle of the city when I have spent my life in my huge farmhouse in the country? How can I watch my husband wash other people’s dishes when he never washed a dish at home - in his LIFE?!!!!!” she shouted. “I cannot DO this. He must be crazy - or maybe he thinks I am. All I know is that I don’t want to sell the house and it is too late because he talked me into signing the papers and it is sold. I don’t know what to do and I am so scared.”

“What do you WANT to do?” I asked, beginning the series of questions that would, hopefully, lead her to the beginning of HERSelf.

“I want it the way it was. I want to be home. That’s the way it is supposed to be. I stay home and my husband works and I raise children and he takes care of everything. It has always been that way. You know, the way it is SUPPOSED to be.”

“Well, do you mean that you want to be home always? Do you mean you never want to sell the house, just sit there growing old, looking at your husband while your children go off to lead their lives? Maybe you think that children need a home to come home to.” She nodded her head in assent. “Is this what you want, to simply sit there until it is time to leave, hoping from time to time that the children come to visit?”

“Well, no, just that it happened so fast. One minute I was a mother and the next moment it was over. Well, I guess it wasn’t quite THAT fast, yet it was pretty quick. I wanted to have time to think about it.”

“Think about what?” I responded. “What was there to think about? Where you would go? How you would like it? What you would do next? Do you think that sitting with those thoughts would give you the answers? Wouldn’t you have to actually experience what you were thinking about to know if you liked it or not?”

“Well, I suppose. But I don’t have any skills and I don’t know where to look. I don’t even know what I want.”

Ahh - we are getting somewhere - at least she knows that she could want something - something besides what the family wanted - all of those years. “Let’s pretend that you are going to go out and find a place to live. Where would it be?”

“It would be in the west. I love that part of the country. It feels really good to me. My husband doesn’t like it at all so we didn’t ever go there much. We always did what he thought was best. I would live in a bigger town and find out what it is like.”

“Great,” I said. “This is a good start. Now imagine what kind of place you would live in - tell me what it would look like.”

“You see, that is the part I don’t know. All I know is that I want to live in the west. You know I never did anything I wanted to do, well, nearly never when we were together. Oh, my gosh, we are still together, aren’t we? What am I saying? Aren’t we going to do these things together anymore? We did everything together all of our lives. We married when we were just kids. We have never been apart. I don’t want to be apart, I don’t think.”

“Let’s leave that part out for right now. Let’s talk about what you can do for you, now that the time has come to do it. Does your husband support what you are doing with these thoughts? Or is he mad at you for not going with him?”

“Oh, no, he is very supportive. He wants me to do what I need to do for me like he is doing for himself. All he wants is for me to be happy. I have never seen him like this. I realize that I don’t even know him. Do you think if I did this without him that I could get to know him as time went by? Do you think we could stay together after we were apart?”

“Possibly,” I responded. “Yet, first you have to decide all of the pieces that make up YOU, like he is deciding all of the pieces that make up him. This is the time in your life that has been set aside for finding out who YOU are. You know that you can do anything that you want to do. All you have to do is do it. Look inside your heart and see what words and feelings speak to you from there. See what feels like YOU, not the two of you, not the relationship - YOU - only YOU.”

“Wow, this is scary. I have not ever thought about ME at all. All I have thought about is what he and the kids needed. You know, like a mother. I don’t know who I AM at all. I’m scared. I have to see me now, don’t I?”

“Yes, you do,” I nodded, “and what a fantastic journey this is going to be. All of the wishes, all of the wants, all of the hopes and dreams that you have put away are now in front of you waiting to be lived. And while you are doing this, your husband is doing the same thing in a different way. We do not know how the two of you will come out of your individual cocoons, yet we do know that you both will fly, and perhaps you will fly together - and perhaps not. It is too soon to tell and there is no way to make that decision now. All you need to do is go to the west coast and find the place that says YOU all over it and move in.”

One big sigh escaped her lips as a few last tears trickled down her cheek onto her blouse. “I’m missing him already. Yet, you know, I am beginning to wonder if maybe it’s me I am missing and not him at all.”

Toni Elizabeth Sar’h Petrinovich, Ph.D. is a visionary, weaver of grace, quantum physicist and multidimensional traveler. Born with memory of the etheric worlds intact, Toni uses her gifts to expand the same re-membrance within the consciousness of other beings. She is the owner of Sacred Spaces in the beautiful San Juan Islands off the coast of Washington State where she conducts personal sessions, retreats and etheric readings for all those drawn to the authentic Self. She is the author of The Call - Awakening the Angelic Human and its accompanying CD, DNA Re-Awakening. Toni is also a direct channel for the Light Orbs who are the Guardians of the Soul. She does long distance healing, spiritual counseling, soul readings, light orb readings and chakra readings by appointment. For more information regarding Toni’s work or to contact her by telephone or email, please see her websites: http://www.sacredspaceswa.com and http://www.angelichuman.com

Tags: adult, child, children, divorce, finding, home, house, husband, love, marriage, self, separation, wife

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